Ten Things You Don’t Say To Someone With BPD
The list below reflects the many silent and not so silent barbs of advice and what felt like judgement, that I, and I would presume others, have received over the years. In my opinion, this list says it all.
Thank you to the person who penned this. It is an invaluable reference.
10. You’re emo
People with BPD aren’t emo at all. Our emotions are so intense they’re hard to handle. Sometimes we withdraw, sometimes we become extroverts to try to hide it, and sometimes we show our distress in less obvious ways. None of which make us emo.
9. You just want attention
A common misconception. The truth is usually quite the opposite, but since we’re supposed to suck at relationships many of us don’t know a better way to keep our friend’s around. Our fear of abandonment can make us seem incredibly attention whore-ish.
8. Move on. Get over it. Build a bridge.
When you say this to someone with Borderline you’re invalidating them. You’re saying that all those emotions, those memories and everything associated with them are worthless and pointless. However, we still think about those things, so really all you’re doing is calling us worthless and useless for not being “normal” and forgetting the things that have caused us more intense emotions.
7. Just take medication and be normal
Particularly insulting to those of us who have been through the medication drama. Not all medications work for everyone. It’s a huge game of trial and error, with only a few people (out of the many millions) who find a medication that works first go. It’s often a painful and disheartening experience trying one medication after another in the hope something will work.
6. Just look at the positive things
Many of us with Borderline don’t get to experience the positives of a situation. Our lives are hard, made harder by inconsiderate people who have little or no understanding of others. Our insecurities and anxieties often have minds of their own, each one reminding us how pathetic or ugly or stupid or worthless we are.
The words are different but the track is the same. Trying to find something positive while that track is playing is next to impossible. You try thinking of some awful feeling while simultaneously trying to think of something positive. Not easy is it?
5. Do you have to create a scene?
Sometimes we have trouble expressing the right emotions at the right time. Something small can make us sad or incredibly angry. Most of us find it hard to regulate our emotions so when something happens we tend to react. It’s not pleasant for us either.
4. Just go cut / kill yourself already
Your compassion is overwhelming. Saying something like this is utterly stupid. It shouldn’t be said to anyone, ever.
3. Not this again
A lot of our emotions and thoughts tend to be cyclical. We can go through the same periods many times before we’re taught to manage our disorder.
2. I don’t have time for this
You may as well just say “fuck you, I hate you”. Obviously there are occasions when you don’t have time, that’s life. But there are better ways of saying it than this. Try these instead “how about we catch up tomorrow?”, “can I take a rain check? I have a lot of work/family/school commitments right now” or “have you seen *name of mutual friend* lately? Why don’t we all catch up in a few days?”
1. You’re so emotional. You’re too sensitive
Simply put: Duh. Our whole identity hinges entirely on how our friends, family and acquaintances view us. So when someone is rude or flippant or seems to forget us we take that to heart and immediately begin to question why we weren’t good enough. We don’t just wear our hearts on our sleeves, we balance it precariously on the tip of our finger.